But today I finally got my Big Fat Positive (BFP) without any fertility drugs, without any real effort. I never believed people when they said 'it just happened' but it really did for me. And ironically it made me believe in God that much more. I always felt in my heart that just like the lady with the blood issue or the blind man on the road to Damascus, all it would take was for God to just reach out and touch me and anything that wasn't right...would become right. I feel like I have been repurposed. I had so SO many plans for Ryan and I in 2014 and now our world has been turned upside down. I'm not in Kansas anymore, that's for sure.
As of Today, I don't even know my due date, I haven't heard a heartbeat, I havent felt a kick, but I have seen 2 little lines that tell me that deep down inside my body, there's a little tiny baby who belongs to me, whose just right for me, who I have literally worked my ASS for, whose ENTIRE life will be molded by the positive energy that I will pour into him. He will be blessed and privileged because of the fruits of our labor and our selflessness. I have been through hell and back in these last 26 years...and now I feel as if it were all for him. I have pushed my husband and I took the brink of greatness and madness at the same time, motivating us to make it to that next ladder rung, and Im SOOO happy I did because my baby's life will be so much more blessed because of our sacrifices.
So how did I feel when I first saw the '+' sign? Honestly, it was like I was immediately invited into this clubhouse that I'd always wanted to be apart of since I was a little girl with my barbies, but could only look from outside through frosted glass. And the second thing I thought of was "NOW I can start my blog." I dedicate this blog to all those who still feel like they're waiting on the outside... With this blog, I'll help you explore the clubhouse through my eyes :) There's no stork bringing this baby to my door step, I like to imagine its been a great big pterodactyl that's been protecting him until I've been ready to meet him. So Welcome to the Pterodactyl Landing post! Here I will sit and pour out all my daily thoughts over these next 36 weeks or until my precious baby is finally in my arms...
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