A Letter for Kali

My Dearest Sweet Kali, Your dad & I have literally hustled ALL the way from the bottom to the top and now I feel that it's ALL been for you. I feel like Ive loved you 1000 yrs already. Definitely going to instill into you all the morals, values & work ethic that my mom poured inside me. If you probably already know that Im SO not a cryer. But I did cry my poor little heart out when I finally laid eyes on you. I felt happy & stupid. I felt happy bc you made it & only a select few really know what that journey has been like for me & your dad. We had prayed & waited.. & prayed, waited... prayed& finally accepted that maybe we were both too broken to ever meet you. Not worthy of the chance to raise a tiny human into an adult who could make an impact in this world. But we were so wrong! I think we just weren't ready at the time. So patience is what it took. I felt stupid bc all these yrs I finally understand how physically & mentally & emotionally exhausted my mom must have truly been that early morning in Nov of 2000. So exhausted to quit fighting, give up the ghost & leave my sister & I behind. I say this bc I see you and can't imagine a thing so painful or so difficult to make me part from you willingly. So whatever it was, I hope she is resting peacefully and she knows that I KNOW that it was worth it for her. With one breath, you helped me understand her and more importantly, forgive her & then...forgive myself. I have felt like Ive been holding MY breath for this day since I saw that first BFP on Dec 27th! And I exhaled something major today. We have so many plans & hopes and dreams for you, Kali! We've sat up for hrs just doting on what you will look like, how you will talk, your temperament, your successes in life, your intelligence. I honestly think you will be attached at our hips! You will prob stay close by with your husband and your kids. You'll prob come over everday with my grandkids & ask for advice. You'll prob tell your Aunt Libby all the secrets you wouldn't tell your mom. But thats ok bc you dont realize that I raised her pretty much so her advice will typically be my advice from her mouth. Lol. Ppl say its like having your heart walk around outside your body, and they're SO right. My heartbeat matters none if yours isn't beating too. But...half my soul (aka your daddy) has been holding my hand for 9yrs., and he's been a riot at times. He's still here tho, healthy & sound, so this should a cakewalk. Right, Kali? 😏 Lol. I already know even though we've separated, even though we've disagreed, he will never abandon you. Even if I died tomorrow, he would somehow pull it together and raise you into a lady. He will be your knight-in-shining armor, your protector, your hero, your therapist, your personal comedian, your magician, your playmate, your quarterback & at other times your stalker, your general, your warden, your overseer, and your private investigator. He will always be your prayer partner & your bestfriend. He has changed in ways for you that you couldn't even imagine just to prepare himself for you. We have a savings now bc of him. I am not afraid to travel away bc of him. Trust me, you are as healthy as a Betsy bug bc of him. Lol. Ask your Granny she will tell you. So Go easy on your mama & daddy. We're newbies, the freshmen class, the new kids on the block when it comes to this custodial parenting thing. Lol And trust us, if anyone is bound to eff this thing up in the beginning.. its us! 😂 But we're a team in every since of the word & we're ready for you. We've already predicted & prepared that you'll be spoiled, stubborn, picky, and unique little woman. But we can deal. Bc We already think you're #AmazinglyPerfect, My Love! And we can not wait to meet you ;)